Breaking Into Self-Sabotaging Beliefs that Keep You in an Abusive Situation
Author: Lynne Namka, Ed. D.
Your beliefs color how you view the world. Negative core beliefs are mean-minded statements that you fall back on when you feel insecure or overwhelmed, and are usually picked up in childhood or from an abusive relationship. These destructive beliefs make up your world view or how you interpret the world. Much of what we experience is due to the limitations we set on ourselves early on in life when we did not have sophisticated language and concepts or the emotional sophistication of affect regulation to interpret what happened to us. Once a core belief is established, all life events are seen through this world view that was associated with earlier upsetting events and accompanying overwhelming emotions. They keep you from moving forward and getting good things in life.
So if you are in a relationship where someone is cruel to you, ask yourself why you stay. Write down all the reasons you cannot leave. These reasons will relate to deep-seated, core beliefs about yourself and why you don’t deserve better. A core belief might sound like, “I’m scared to be alone” “I’m afraid no one will ever want me” or “I can’t make it on my own.””If you were bullied or come from a troubled background you may assign negative labels to the self such as “I am ugly, inferior, stupid, dirty, immature, fat, weak or dumb and therefore I deserve to be punished, I don’t deserve to get better. Nothing will ever help me.” These are all lies that are embedded deep in the unconscious mind. A strong technique is required to erase them.
If you are unsure whether or not you are being treated poorly or being abused, do the Collarbone Breathing technique on your confusion; this approach is excellent for clearing up issues that you just do not get. This technique brings energy to the body and creates a vibrational shift around any confused belief or situation.
Tapping on or percussing the body opens up the respiration system, breaks into blocked energies and shifts beliefs and feelings when you are stressed. As you think on each statement in the exercise provided below, notice if you are holding your breath. Breath holding is a sure sign that energy is in a blocked holding pattern around a destructive belief. Use this powerhouse technique when you are totally confused about any issue.
Never-ending stuck? Extended stall? Hugely confused? Collarbone Breathing is a powerful approach to shake up self-derogatory unconscious beliefs adapted from Thought Field Therapy.
Identify the beliefs which prevent your further growth and make check marks beside any reversal statements you have. Do the Collarbone Breathing technique on each belief until you feel clear. After working a statement, pause and reflect on what you have learned about yourself. You may feel tingly all over s the energy around the belief shifts. You may or may not have an unhappy memory come up around a particular belief. If so, continue doing the technique with different wording of the belief until there is no emotional charge left around that memory.
X-treme Collarbone Breathing
This x-treme technique is for x-treme beliefs that you want to break. Curl your hands up into two fists. Make a fist with your right hand and pound gently on the back of your left fist about 1 inch below the web of the hand between the little and fourth finger. This point is Triple Warmer 3. Your right fist pounds on the back of your left fist while it pounds simultaneously on your left collarbone area. Switch your hands when they become tired using your left fist to pound on your right fist which pounds on your right collarbone area. Use this technique judiciously if you have wrist injuries or carpel tunnel syndrome.
Choose a belief that sabotages you and say out loud:
I deeply love, forgive and accept myself, even though a part of me believes _____.
I choose to stop this limiting belief of _____.
I choose to see this sabotaging belief of _____ differently.
I accept and forgive myself even if I never get over this problem completely.
Ask for release of any blockage of breath and the underlying root cause around this belief. Take a long, slow deep breath and hold for 10 seconds. Release slowly and push your breath out as deeply as you can.
Take a half breath in and hold. Take another half breath in and hold. Let half the breath out and hold. Let the rest of the breath out and release.
Switch hands and sides when you say a new statement. Take small, rapid, flutter breaths in as you breath up, up, up, up, up, up as if you are singing up a musical scale (do, re, me, etc.) and then go down, down, down, down, down, down the scale. Repeat the small shallow breathing up and down, while you think of your unhealthy way of coping. Forgive yourself for learning something that was not productive for you and vow to do things differently in the future. These three breaths helps break into energetic blockages held in the body and mind.
If there is verbal or physical abuse in your situation, you need more help than this exercise can give. Find a mental-health professional or agency that specializes in abuse. Take an assertiveness training course or go to counseling. Get help before your stress, anger and depression increase and you lose your sense of identity. Don’t go it alone if you continue to feel overwhelmed or if your children are being badly influenced.
Couples counseling is NOT recommended when there is physical abuse in the relationship because the abuser might learn vulnerable areas about the partner that he might use outside of therapy. When abuse has happened, you need individual help to learn how to gain back your eroded self-esteem and to strengthen yourself. Do a web search to see what is available in your area. Larger cities have a telephone referral service called Information and Referral. Help is there for free or reduced cost in all kinds of forms.
More techniques to release strong beliefs and emotions can be found in the Anger Management category on this website. Please send this article on to others who might profit from clearing up stuck beliefs. It is taken from Your Quick Anger Makeover: Plus Twenty Other Cutting Edge Techniques to Release Anger, by Lynne Namka available on Amazon.