Angry at Yourself – Breaking Out of the Victim Trap
Author: Lynne Namka, Ed. D.
Does your anger turn to yourself? Do you beat yourself up? Make a firm commitment to stop being a victim by breaking into the victim talk to take responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Monitor your language to catch and interrupt yourself during pity parties. Change your victim talk (I can’t…, I never could…, I’m no good at….. etc.) to language that affirms positive thinking. Decide what you want and the type of person you want to become. Tap into your longing to be whole. Decide what you will have to do to get it. Break it down in small steps and start to work on the first step.
Place yourself around positive people who are committed to growth and well being. Invite your friends to confront you lovingly when you get in the victim role. Learn to confront the critical voice within that tells you that you are not worthy. This is the technique of thought stoppage–you simply interrupt any negative inner message. Discount the thought, yell “No!” at it and distract yourself by getting into some other thought pattern. Tell yourself that negative self talk is only old programming. You can be very rude and interrupt these self- condemning voices but be gentle with yourself.
Hold an inner dialogue to determine how being a victim pays off for you. Examine victim patterns in your parents and relatives. Learn what hidden messages lie within about your not deserving to be successful, healthy or have a loving relationship. Explore these messages that sabotage your well being with a process oriented therapist. Make a pact with yourself to be responsible for choices that you make that affect your healing.
- I am responsible for the victim thoughts which stay in my mind.
- I am responsible for denying what I know to be true about myself.
- I am responsible for the people with whom I surround myself.
- I am responsible for remaining in victim beliefs.
- I let my victim thoughts go.
- I affirm that I am healthy and whole.
Say these affirmations ten times daily. Write your own affirmations and post them on your mirror, your car steering wheel, your computer, sink, etc. Carry the affirmations in your pockets to take out and read when you have a moment. Speak them out loud with authority. Practice seeing yourself in a different light.
Turn your life over to your Higher Power. Catch any beating yourself up thoughts. Practice daily surrender on small things. Learn to let go of that which you no longer need. Work your anger to let it go.
Do It Differently!
Do Your Life Differently
Whatever it is that takes you down into victim thinking, change it!
Change your life style to one that promotes physical, mental and spiritual health.