Highly Destructive Psychological Reversals Challenge Your Negative Core Beliefs with Collarbone Breathing
Author: Lynne Namka, Ed. D.
Much of what we experience is due to the limitations we set on ourselves early on in life when we did not have sophisticated language or the emotional sophistication to interpret what happened to us. Negative core beliefs are insidious global statements about yourself that are usually picked up in childhood or in an abusive relationship. When bad things happen you might fall back to the old negative beliefs that you picked up when you first felt insecure or overwhelmed. These beliefs of not being worthy, lovable or good enough keep you stuck. These destructive beliefs make up your worldview or how you interpret the world. Core beliefs often come from feeling abandoned as a child or in an important relationship.
Once a core belief (such as a parent saying, “You are bad”) is established, all life events are seen through this world view that was associated with earlier upsetting events and accompanying overwhelming emotions. Your world view is the colored lens that you look through which sets up a dire expectation that you will find evidence of how you view things. What you look for, you most likely will find! Your unique lens and expectations determine what becomes evident for you. If you have a self-limiting perspective, your perceptual field narrows so that you only see your own view of the world. Evidence gathered out of your misperceptions becomes the supportive data in your mind even if it is wrong.
If you come from a troubled background you may assign negative labels about the self such as, “I am ugly, inferior, stupid, dirty, immature, fat, weak or dumb and therefore I deserve to be punished, to lose and take the smaller piece.” Or “I don’t deserve to get better.” Or “Nothing will ever help me.” Or “Other people can change but I can’t.” Taken together these beliefs create a pessimistic or fixed mindset that make you view yourself as being in an unsafe, horrible place with no possibility of things getting better.
Beliefs are usually held deep in the subconscious mind around issues of safety, self-esteem, entitlement, intimacy, insecurity, trust and control, and affect a person’s ability to maintain healthy relationships. They don’t respond to logic or reassurance from others. They are lies from the ego. Don’t live your life based on false ideas you picked up as a child who did not have much understanding. These are just insidious, nasty ego trips that create a limited sense of self to keep you feeling bad and disconnected from your True Self as your ego perpetuates an untruth.
I am not safe.
I am unworthy.
My world is not safe.
I do not deserve love or abundance.
I don’t have the right to belong.
I am guilty.
I hate myself.
I must remain full of guilt and shame.
I am incompetent.
I am special and should get special treatment.
I’m a bad person.
I am (insert negative label) and always will be.
These beliefs most likely came from the hurtful ways that you were treated by others. Most traumas that people experience are caused by other people. This is called relational trauma. One form of relational trauma happens when we feel that we were not listened to and were invalidated.
Research shows that being invalidated creates core beliefs of being unworthy which then disrupt a person’s sense of self and a lack of trust in others. Rejecting parents who use withdrawal as punishment create children who develop deep shame and a false sense of self. Children who are not validated by their parents and teachers can become insecure and needy, seeking validation from others throughout their life. Children do not have the emotional language and wisdom to process painful experiences and they develop immature patterns of coping; as they grow older they develop a language of being unwanted and lonely and blame themselves for being unlovable.
Sit for a moment with this anonymous quote and then do the following exercise on feeling undeserving.
“At the core of every problem is an issue of:
I am not lovable.
I don’t deserve love.
I am unworthy.
People cannot be trusted.
At the core of every solution:
I can find the peaceful solution to this.
I love myself for I am lovable.
I trust us to work this out by staying in love consciousness.”
Go back through the list of negative beliefs listed above and put a check by any that you might harbor. One technique to work out the harmful misbeliefs that you picked up earlier on is called Collarbone Breathing. Collarbone Breathing is an Energy Psychology technique that helps you address old trauma issues hidden away deep in your body and mind. It puts a strong vibration into your body while you challenge negative beliefs about yourself. The three different types of breaths used with it break into energy blockages held in your diaphragm. It only takes a minute to do and you will feel much calmer and relaxed after completing it. Choose a belief and keep working on it until you feel it shift.
Extreme Collarbone Breathing
Curl your hands up into two fists. Make a fist with your right hand and pound gently on the back of your left fist about 1 inch below the web of the hand between the little and fourth finger. This point is Triple Warmer 3. Your right fist pounds on the back of your left fist while it pounds simultaneously on your left collarbone area. Switch your hands when they become tired using your left fist to pound on your right fist which pounds on your right collarbone area. Use this technique judiciously if you have wrist injuries or carpel tunnel syndrome.
Choose a belief from the list above and say out loud: I deeply love, forgive and accept myself, even though a part of me believes _____. I choose to stop this limiting belief of _____. I ask for release of any blockage of breath and the underlying root cause around this belief.
1) Take a long, slow deep breath and hold for 10 seconds. Release slowly and push your breath out as deeply as you can.
2) Take a half breath in and hold. Take another half breath in and hold. Let half the breath out and hold. Let the rest of the breath out and release.
3) Switch hands and sides. Take small, rapid, flutter breaths in as you breath up, up, up, up, up, up as if you are singing up a musical scale (do, re, me, etc.) and then go down, down, down, down, down, down the scale. Repeat the small shallow breathing up and down, while you think of your unhealthy way of coping. Forgive yourself for learning something that was not productive for you and vow to do things differently in the future. These three breaths helps break into energetic blockages held in the body and mind.
Do this even if you are not sure if you are doing it correctly. Even if you do it wrong, it will still work. Setting an intention for healing and doing deep breathing and tapping can shift your energy around old stuck beliefs. If the Collarbone Breathing Technique seems too confusing, just tap all over your body while doing deep breathing.
There are many other psychological techniques which will help release old negative core beliefs. Learn many of them and keep challenging the belief any time it resurfaces. Spending a few moments to address negative unconscious beliefs will help you reconnect with love and with all that which is important to you- your True Self and the greater Universe. You deserve to feel connected and loved.
This tapping exercise is from my book, Your Quick Anger Makeover which is about letting go of many types of emotions and issues including neediness.